I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
and you fell through a lawn chair
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
