She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
