nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
