I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
