you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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