The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
