I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
