my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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