Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
