Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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