For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
