I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
