the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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