i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
