What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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