Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
People in love make me want to vomit
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
