We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you win again, gameday.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
