I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
