I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
