You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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