I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
