The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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