I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
