Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
