So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im six kinds of drunk right now
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
