"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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