you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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