dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
