Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish i was in the wii world.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
