it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
