I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
