I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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