I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Randomize
