I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
