At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
