girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
