I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
