WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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