Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
