I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
