im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
