it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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