The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you traded sex for a burrito?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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