Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
