i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
