dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
