I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
