Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
