he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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