You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
