TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
