You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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