So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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