Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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